Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize