no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
