should my penis look like a turkey
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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