I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
