i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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