I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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