his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh god it's open bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
