Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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