I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
