he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize