yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
