ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
