She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
