I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
