I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's great music for shaving your balls
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think a kid would responsible me up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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