The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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