well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
