maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
