That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
