Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
