this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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