Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
