I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
