she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nutella sex= disaster
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
