apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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