i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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