Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
