Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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