went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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