addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
