I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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