why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
