she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
