wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
