Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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