She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize