New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
