he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like eating out sand paper
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
