I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
