I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
