The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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