I didn't shave. On purpose
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize