when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i've created a new STD.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
