remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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