I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
