Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
