You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
