I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
