I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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