do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
