I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
