i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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