Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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