I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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