yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
