I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
